Your heart, My wilderness

You are the sky,
In which my feelings soar,
You are the sea,
In which my thoughts dive.

I have discovered a little
There is much left to explore
Your heart is my wilderness
I journey through its secrets.

Basking in your sunshine,
Bathing in your rain,
I live and love,
Timeless joy, trifling pain.

Life to our soul


Anchor to our family
Sail to our dreams,
You are the Captain of our hearts
Who steers through stormy seas.

Like a monsoon river,
Your love flows,
Unrestrained, unbounded
immersing all in your path.

Keeper of our secrets,
Guardian of our faith,
Radiant in majestic glory,
You are the angel in our story.

Rising and shining,
Before the morning sun,
you brings light to our life,
and  life to our soul.

Provoke


Fleeting thoughts,
that evoke.
Buried memories,
they invoke.
Simmering embers,
they stoke.
Restless calm,
they provoke.

Blue Moon

As rays of the blue moon,
pierce through looming clouds,
White hope lights up,
dark corners of a forgone heart.

Even in midnight, the world,
carries new luster, new life
After a hundred days of darkness,
it quells a lifetime of strife.

humble(d)

One stumble,
Down we tumble,
In darkness we fumble,
forgotten prayers we mumble,
As our ego, our self crumble...

Duality

Lyrical glance,
an enchanting trance.
gentle on the eyes,
Harsh on the mind.

Hushed word,
a moment absurd.
Fleeting on the clock,
eternal to the soul.

Soulful bliss,
a trailing kiss.
Soft on the cheek,
Hard on the heart.

My happiness


My Happiness lies in,
My Master’s lotus feet,
My Mother’s caring lap,
My Sister’s carefree giggle,
My Beloved’s adoring gaze,
My Father’s proud turban.

Tender


Tender affection,
wound its way,
into a silent soul,
oblivious to storms,
that raged within.

Ignored, spurned
Warned, threatened.
And yet, it persisted,
it stood, it waited,
with tranquil ease.

In the warmth of its gaze
the frost wore off.
A closed, cold heart
opened and basked,
in the sunshine of gentle love… 

Togetherness

Cherished years,
of loving togetherness,
Woven together,
by a string of priceless memories.

Little joys and loud laughs,
Long struggles and huddled sobs,
You stood together,
You stood strong.

You faced each day,
immersed in each other’s love
Each day, a new beginning.
Each  beginning, a new blessing.

Words lost...

Glimpses divine, 
those moments sublime.
Lost to the world,
lost to myself.

Tender joys,
those reckless ploys,
lost to the world,
lost to myself

Words lost,
In the clutter of my thoughts,
Lost to her ears,
at a loss to myself.

Naani's 75th Birthday

She bears her responsibilities,
like a batch of honour,
courageous and infallible,
a hero to all who know her.

In ashram, in sewa,
she toils the entire day.
as fatigue dawns upon her,
she sits down to pray.

Like a spoilt young girl,
she comes home late at night.
leaves by the morning,
giving all of us a fright.

A shepherd to our family,
a leader from the start,
her tiny little frame,
bears a mighty heart.


Secret FONTasies


Loss of Innocence

The innocent kite,
danced across the sky,
unlimited, uninhibited,
by the walls that confine me.

Like a young danseuse,
innocent in body, in soul,
her moves were confident,
unfettered by envious eyes.

But, a strong gust of wind,
caught her unaware,
she rose too far, too fast.
severing the bond we shared.

Lifeless she slowly fell,
as I scrambled out to save her.
only to find her on wet grass,
used and polluted...

New season

Pregnant clouds burst,
and released their hold,
quenching the thirst,
of a million souls.

Wearied hearts,
found hope anew,
when in empty skies,
young hatchlings flew.

Once barren ground,
turned lush and green,
dried river beds,
swelled with water pristine.

new season brought an end,
to all that is old.
new life, new struggles,
new stories to be told.

A Solitary Drop

A solitary drop,
the last remnant of morning dew,
dangled perilously from an acacia leaf.

barren ground,
scorched  from the relentless sun,
awaited patiently below to consume it.

As its weight gave way,
the drop slipped and fell.
Dazzling like a priceless gem,
before being lost in a wet patch of oblivion.

Longing

When you bring with you,
a gust of love sublime,
my soul flutters like a tattered flag,
tethered to worldly attachments.

It tugs against its bindings,
yearning to take flight,
longing to loose itself,
surrendering to God's might.

Tea time with Aunty Ji


She gazes at you
Like a doting mother,
When she pours you tea,
The world suddenly seems better.

Her little tea room,
is open to all.
You can always run to her,
No matter, how hard you fall.

She will lend you an ear,
As you pour you heart out.
She does not judge you,
She will never shout.

In a roomful of people,
This magical lady in white.
Can make each one feel,
As if they are the star of the night

She keeps you entrapped,
with her stories and lore.
When the cup dries out.
You can’t help, asking for more.

I am so far away from home,
Alone on this Mother’s day
What I wouldn’t do,
For another tea time with you,  Aunty Ji...

Overcoming Emotiphobia….

(This post just goes to show what happens when a grown man spends a day on the couch watching ‘The Holiday’ and ‘Jerry Maguire’ back to back!)
My Chacha is a sweet man. In spite of having seen many a rainy day in his life, he still isn’t bitter with the cards he was dealt with. He has this thick outer crust which few could penetrate, to get to his tender heart (including a pretty damsel from Khalsa College!). I have seldom seen him senti which I believe he regards as a sign of weakness. But that is where his kameena bhateeja gets into the picture.
His office is a small hall with the largest 'per square meter density' of computer geeks I have come across, typing frantically on their computers and attending phone calls in English laced with phoney accents. Whenever I visit him, no matter how heated our debates/ discussions are, when I reach the door on my way out, I turn back to say, “Whatever Chachu, I still love you!”. I purposely make it audible enough such that more than a handful of his colleagues take notice and pass a sly smile looking at him from the corner of their eyes. One grown man expressing his adoration to another…it makes him cringe! While his cheeks flush with embarrassment, I leave with a grin so wide, my cheeks hurt for hours later.
There seems to be an unsaid rule amongst men, that expressing one’s feelings is a feminine trait. In spite of being a diligent student, I seem to have missed the class in which that was taught. To make up for our so-called ‘emotional handicap’, we follow universally employed/ acknowledged lists of gifts (this one is applicable for women and is 'Very Confidential’):
1) A box of chocolates
2) Bouquet of flowers
3) A holiday
4) A romantic dinner
5) Jewelry
6) Soft toys
7) A card from Archies
8) Agreeing to go for dance lessons
9) A long drive followed by…….hmm
10) Crystal show pieces (the ‘Taj Mahal’ being the most popular item!)
11) Sexy lingerie (WARNING: Should be gifted with great caution!)
etc ……………………………..
Most guys I know are extremely ashamed of getting ouvertly emotional at the movies. It was a moment of pure ecstasy, when I found myself in the seat between Chachu and Dad when we went to see ‘Taare Zameen Par’. Towards the end of the movie, I could hear muffled sobs and see teary eyes as both stared at the screen trying to avoid each other’s sight in vain. That’s what I call one big emotional family!!! It’s a whole different story that by the time we reached the parking lot outside, they were vehemently denying anything of the sort happened, to their respective wives. When I suggested otherwise, I was given an intimidating stare (Y tu Brutus!)
I doubt that a little display of emotions erodes the machismo or the ‘mardangee’ of a man. If anything, it makes the man come across as warm and caring (Refer ‘Aman’s survey on Male EQ-2008’). An incredibly pretty girl recently told me that she finds such men incredibly sexy. So all the Papas, Chachus, Bhaiyas out there, rather than choking on those feelings, let your tears flow….You never know when it might be your lucky day!!!

Unapologetically Curvaceous

(An Ode to the Indian Woman)

She is over-weight not by choice or gluttony, but by the compulsion of single-minded devotion towards her family. Taking care of elderly in-laws, getting the children to school in the morning and helping out with homework when they get back, getting the evasive bais to take care of house-hold chores and then having to be the consort to her husband who gets back ‘fatigued’ from a long day of work. It is a truly sad state of affairs, when the Indian woman is made to feel apologetic about the way she looks.
Pick up any fashion magazine out there, Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Femina, even our very own Greh-Shobha. Look at the cover-page and tell me how many women you know who look like that. Even our desi greats like Tarun Tahiliani, Vikram Phadnis or Rohit Bal are so busy dressing up women of the likes of Carol Gracias and Jesse Randhawa (who would look good even in a jute bag!) that they overlook the overwhelming majority of women, who too look at them for inspiration. ‘Haute Coutour’ and ‘Pret a Porter’ are not terms they might be familiar with, but behind that French Jargon is the essence of ‘good styling’: of ‘looking good’ and ‘feeling good while you are doing it’. When the Indian women steps into boutiques and workshops-shops of their master jis with an imported vocabulary and semantics of fashion, it has the makings of a disaster. Few women find clothes which compliment them for who they are. More often than not, clothes are reduced to mere camouflage of ‘body-defects’.
Be it the yakshis of Ajanta-Ellora or the women immortalized in the sculptures of Khajuraho, Indian women have traditionally been celebrated as voluptuous, buxom with large child bearing hips. It is time our designers take up the challenge of styling a woman no taller than 5’2”, hips scarred by child-birth, and a torso struggling against the forces of gravity. Rather than misplaced comparisons with tall, flat-chested, anorexic Ukranian models our women need to be recognized and appreciated for their beauty. They seriously don’t have to prance around in bikinis (leaving little to imagination!) to get male attention, when they can make heart swoon with the slip of a palloo. Kudos to them!

Me at my scandalous best!

Question: What does Capt. Amarinder Singh (Former Chief Minister of Punjab) and Pamela Anderson have in Common?
Answer: Both are accused of possessing disproportionate assets!!!!


(Backround: Amrinder Singh was questioned by the vigilance department for the same yesterday.)

Flushed Out!!!

(This post in dedicated to an old friend of mine who will hopefully ask a girl he has fancied for the past five years, out for lunch some day soon. I sincerely hope his experience is nothing like that of the protagonist in this story!!!)
Shit! I should have made a reservation. They gave me a table right next to the toilet. We were going to be disturbed by an incessant stream of people through-out the meal. But there is little I could do to help it now. I kept catching glances at my watch. She was late by a good two minutes thirty five seconds. I hoped she’d show up. When she walked in through the door I felt a sense of relief that cant be described.
I made sure I was looking into her eyes as she walked towards the table. If she catches me looking at any other part of the anatomy, I might just get labeled as cheap; as cheap as those VCDs Varun Bhaiya gets from Pallika Bazaar. There is no way I could afford to screw this up. I had been waiting and preparing for for this moment for five years. Having being teased, mocked and embarrassed silly by friends, I had finally mustered up the courage to ask her out. When she said yes, it was a greater achievement than having scrapped through IIT- JEE. But my engineering theories or my General Knowledge (BQC champion-1997-98) wouldnt come handy here. I had prepared a list of topics (on a smartly concealed chit!) we could make converastion on. The contacts made my eyes itchy but with my thick spectacles would have just kill the romance (not that I was expecting any!). I have little experience with girls. Being in the all boys Don Bosco was a killer and IIT is not exactly a haven for great looking babes (No Pun intended!).
As she approached the table, I clumsly tried to get up to pull a chair for her. But that Kameenaa waiter beat me to it, leaving me in awfully odd position. I made a mental note, to seek compensation from the tip he was supposed to get. As I knew nothing better, we shook hands and started out with awkward Hellos (this hadn’t begin the way I imagined it would, but I was determined to salvage it!) She looked so much at ease , it just unerved me further. It was as if someone had suffed an old sock in my mouth and I could taste the bitter taste of sweat in my mouth. But thanks to the chit, I started walking down memory lane. Our old school teachers, common friends,etc…She recounted how she had always percieved me as the joker, always trying to make people laugh (little did she know, it was meant just for her!) I felt she was having fun….Her little chuckles of laughter were the sweetest sound in the world. I felt that the GUCCI perfume (Naani had got me one of those small samples from America) was working its magic. This wasn’t our Desi Axe Effect, it was the Italian magic at work!
But then good things are never meant to last. So lost was I in her (conversation of course!) a fork-full of pasta missed my mouth, struck my chin and splat! It landed on my Brand New Levis. Luckily she missed the spectacle as she was busy with her own plate. From being on the seventh heaven I felt like I had landed right in the pot of the neighboring toilet. I wished somebody would just ‘flush’ me out of this situation. While listening to her I nervously snuck my left hand under the table and started cleaning the mess up with a napkin! By the time I was done, I had lost track of what she was saying and like the Dumbest Dodo, tried to hide my angst with a wry smile. She went on and on while I gazed at those lips. They looked so tender with just the right amount of gloss. Nothing like those pouty vulgar red of Kaamna Aunty. I just stared at them moving, deaf to the sound that emanated between them. And then they stopped abruptly.
I had stared for a moment too long. Girls are good at these things; they can differentiate between a glance, a look, a stare, in ways we monkey-brained guys cant. “Kabir are you feeling all right?” I mustered all my strenghth to get my paralysed facial muscles to feign a smile, although I could feel them contorting into a painfully constipated expression. She put her palm over my hand to shake me out of my daze. But her touch just worsened the ordeal; it was as if I had touched a simmering piece of coal. I pulled my hand out with a jerk leaving her shocked. And in that awkward pause, I heard a pot flushing in its glory. I squinted my eyes hoping to have been transported to another planet, another galaxy, another universe. Alas, even that was not meant to be. Through my eye lashes I caught a blurry image of her shaking her head in dissapointment…

Resignation letter

Dear Client,
A doctor has a thermometer to assess a patient’s fever, an accountant has a calculator to see if the numbers add up, but I have no tool to objectively assess the ‘beauty’ of my work. As soon as my product transcends its functional use, it become harder and harder for me to explain you why it came out the way it did. I can easily confuse you with loose jargon, on the volume of spaces, the juxtaposition of forms, the dialogue of colors and textures, but the fact is, I did it because it felt and looked ‘right’. But what this ‘right’ is and how ‘right’ is ‘right’? I don’t have an answer to these questions and I sincerely hope I never will.
The first thing that they taught me at design school, was not sketching, it wasn’t drafting and it certainly wasn’t how to make 3D models. . They yanked me out of the pre-concieved notions I had of the world around me, and forced me to start seeing the world anew. I felt like a child again, sitting on the terrace gazing onto a sunrise as if it was my first time, looking for faces in passing clouds, bewildered how the sky changes to a different ‘blue’, every few hours. This process of clensing and sensitization was the first step in the making of a designer.
Noticing and paying attention to the forms, textures, the colors, the aromas in my surroundings made me aware and humbled by the creative prowess of nature. It was this exposure that provides fodder to the imagination and the work that I do. There is an old adage amongst writers, “A man can only write what he knows”. I feel that It holds true for any creative person. My memories, both successes and failures, my relationships, my travels have all enrichened me and manifest in my work in ways I still don’t understand.
I see an imperfect, an incomplete world, and work hard each day trying to make this feeling go away by ‘designing things’ to correct/ complete it. You look at magazines, billboards, televsion soaps, movies, and compare my work to established master pieces, passing fashions and slam me for being non-conformist. But I hope you do realize that works yous swear by, design movements like Modernism and Minimalism which ‘seemingly’ inspire you, were all once eccentric. Most designers shy away from taking this road less travelled and I have always held it against them. But as I have gained experience, both proffessional and personal, that resentment has begun to wear away. Negotiating with economic constraints, unrealistic deadlines, strict design briefs, unyielding clients, etc… and still having one’s vision realized in the final product (how ever diluted) is difficult enough!
This project has been a test(ament) of not only my creative abilities but also of my professionalism. It seems that the only way out of this deadlock is for me to bow out. I am a youg man (young enough to afford a few mistakes!), brash and arrogant, who actually feels that he can shape this world. Hence, I would like to most humbly resign and distance myself from this project.
Yours sincerely,
Aman Sadana

Our Journey

(A Nursery Rhyme)
First there was I,
who always questioned why.

Then I became we,
and I lost a bit of me.

When we became you,
I realized what is true.

Moments of Remembrance

When luck seizes to befriend,
and everything seems unfair.

When all hope is lost,
and heart is emptied to despair.

When all light is lost,
and darkness is hard to bear.

When I've lost all I had,
and nobody is willing to share.

When I am sick in bed,
and nobody seems to care.

When loved ones have passed on,
at lifeless photographs you stare.

I then close my eyes in remembrance,
trying hard to hold back a tear.
Why is it only now, Master,
that I feel you are near...

"Jaldi Rahul-Baba, Jaldi!"

“While some burn midnight oil and labor hard in the day to make a name for self, for others the world waits with baited breath for them to do anything worthwhile to hail them their hero.” This statement epitomizes celebrities from our very Indian Rahul Gandhi and Abhishek Bachan, to the Phirangi, Prince Harry (third in line to the British throne. While many a soldier dies an unknown death, Harry is the toast of the nation, its savior having braved a loooooooong 10 weeks in the frontlines at Afganistan. 10 weeks of ‘self-less’ service of the Queen is all it took to erase the playboy image he had worked for in the past several years. But, at least he has something going for him.
What can we say for our Rahul-baba. His exploits in election rallies in U.P. and Gujrat can be deemed little else than disastrous. It’s a real shame, seeing intelligent, experienced work-horses like Ambika Soni, Abhishek Singhvi shamelessly defending him in the media, trying to get in the books of his doting mother. Meanwhile India is braving a weak Prime Minister who is but a symbolic head of the government. And yet, we wait for him to grow up, mature till he is at least capable of reading out speeches like his mother and play the ‘Surname card’. His attempts at public speaking till now have hade the opposition in splits and his party see red (in shame of course!). The future of a billion people lies heavy on his inexperienced shoulder. As I am very skeptical of Indians to get-over their faith in dynastic rulers, at least in my life time. With a roaring economy and even greater ambition we just cant wait too long. So let us all cheer the poor boy, our Prime Minister in making- “Jaldi Rahul-Baba, Jaldi!”.

COPY-CAT!!!!!!!

India might be the largest democracy in the world, but it certainly has deep pitfalls, impaled by malaises like cast, region and religion based pitfalls. Successive coalition governments have only shackles on the legs of a people who are aspiring to be a world power. It is sad state indeed that we are governed not by a shared vision of our leaders, but by a Common Minimum Program, a mere compromise of several parties each with its own vested interests. The UPA led government has been able to achieve very little in its four years of governance weighed down by the ancient ideologies of the Left. The Left on their part have enjoyed unprecedented power over Governance without sharing an ounce of responsibility. Sonia Gandhi has presided (towered would be a more apt word) over the country keeping the seat warm till the ‘Gandhi in waiting’, a certain Rahul Gandhi, is ready to take the reins. The country meanwhile is crawling forward with a puppet prime minister whose strings have gotten so entangled, it seems unlikely the year left is going to throw up any new surprises.
But, it is most ironic that, our estranged neighbor Pakistan who tries to keep a distance from all things Indian, is witnessing the formation of a new government whose formation bears an uncanny similarity to the Indian scene today.
Bilawal Bhutto is essaying the role of The Prime Mininster in waiting like our very own Rahul Gandhi. Asif Ali Zardari is the Pakistani interpretation of Sonia Gandhi who is keeping the seats warm for his ward. Nawaz Sharif’s Party is going to be the Pakistan’s CPM. He to will support the ruling party from outside. He too is seaking the elusive ‘Power without Responsibility’. His excuse of not joining the Ruling party because oh his resolve to not take oath under President Mushsaraf is a master-stroke. The current scheme of things just go to show, how the two countries have much more in common that we would like to think or admit…

Uncle, I am Gay

(Dedicated to all my single male cousins, Sahil, Shahleen, Preet, Harpreet, etc… who have fell victim to the antics of a certain Uncle Lovely Singh)

If you are hoping that this post has something to with movie entailing a lesbian relationship between a certain Isha Koppikar and Amrita Arora, I am sorry to disappoint you. Although I hate to admit it, but I am wary of writing anything which would make my parents feel too uncomfortable.

I find family reunions an unavoidable ordeal. You meet up relatives, best avoided even in best of occasions, but the presence of a certain Lovely Uncle makes it all the more unbearable. The uncomfortably tight hug, the garishly multi-colored clothes (and a turban to match!) and a booming voice that invariable rings loud with-“Aur puttar, koyee girlfriend banayee?” I loosely shake my head and shrug my shoulders while he continues with “……a boy like you must have a lot of experience”. I sheepishly make a quick getaway leaving my parents with faces flushed with embarrassment to face the cackle of amused relatives. All my single male cousins face the same tune when they happen to bang into Lovely Uncle despite their best attempts to avoid him. But with the girls, it’s a whole different story… Concerns about studies and careers leave little time for such trivial and taboo questions. It seems as if us being in relationships is as much a symbol of our ‘virility’, as their not being in one is a demonstration of their ‘virginity’.

The first few lines of Pride and Prejudice set in Victorian England embodies this attitude by way of, “It’s a truth universally acknowledged that any single man in possession of a fortune is in want of a wife”.In the last 150 years so much has changed by means of advancements in science and technology, yet society continues to carry and further old notions of expected male and female behavior. I wonder how Charlotte Bronte would take stock of a metrosexual man, a homosexual women and a transsexual it (no pun intended!).

Live-in relationships, Single parents, wife swapping are concepts which have seeped into our culture, and have been immortalized both in cinema and modern metropolitan society. It is high time that we come to terms with these intrusions rather than dreaming of the Utopian Hindu society that the Shiv Sainiks and RSS moral police seek to realize. In an era of globalization, consumerism and choice, people like Lovely Uncle have to come to terms with changing gender equations. But, if they refuse to walk with the times and continue to pester you with intentionally embarrassing questions, look them straight in the eye, wear a composed unruffled look and reply, “Uncle, I am gay”.

False Facade

I though I knew Sandeep Singh Kocchar. But he wasn’t 6’2, nor did he have blue eyes. Could someone who worshiped Daler Mehndi’s poster have abandoned him for Brian Adams. For someone whose knowledge of books did not extend beyond Chacha Chowdhry and Nagraj comics, could his favorite books be Shantaram and The Hungry Tide. At least that was what his profile said.

Sandy (that is the name of his new avatar!) was a typical Sardar, from a typical Pind near Saharanpur, who joined my school in 11th grade. Having studied in a boy’s school all his life, suffered from the mortal fear of talking to the opposite sex. He never learnt to speak Hindi fluently; even his broken English had a distinctly Punjabi accent. But despite his short stature and reticent nature, we came to be good friends. After school, he went on to join an engineering college in Chandigarh while I joined Architecture school. We lost contact, getting engrossed in our new lives. But that was until Orkut came along, and made this world a smaller place (too small for convenience, if you ask me!). Long lost friends and acquaintances best forgotten, came barging in with friend requests and scraps which had to be replied to.

But, everybody seemed more cool, more hip, ‘more embellished’ than what I had known them to be. They photographed better, listened to the right music, read the right authors, and pursued the right hobbies. Everybody I knew had gone for veritable makeovers while I found (still do!) myself to be the most boring creature on the web. While some of my sociable friends came on to net just as they were, the shy and introverted were giving a new dimension to their personalities and networking with people they would have hitherto avoided. With the advent of Orkut, Venustrophobics and some seriously vela people are now checking out the profiles and albums of girls they were too scared to talk too, sending them friend requests in the comfort of partial anonymity and pepped-up profiles.

I met Sandy last week at a high school reunion. He is the same Sandeep from school. He is more confident though, having found his first love in a Dimpy from Patiala on Orkut. I can only imagine, the surprise the poor girl is in for, when she meets him in real life. But I hope she likes him. He might not be the person, who he says he is, but behind the pretence and the false façade is a really nice guy who is in want of a friend...

Manoj Ki Dukaan

I often wondered what happened to Manoj. Where did he go? What happened to the biscuit jars that lined at the front of his shop. The friendly smile he would give me when ever I forgot to bring money for the Atta biscuitsI so very loved. He knew I’d come back tomorrow, and I knew I’d find him in the same garage which had been his shop for as long as I could remember. I still recollect the shameless guilt with which he’d recount the current gossip doing rounds of the mohalla.

Well, that’s before the winds of change. They swept some of us to the top of the Delhi’s elite, while others were brushed under the carpet, unforgotten, uncared for. The opening up of our economy in the 90’s heralded unprecedented change. Branded shoes, T-shirts, which I had to wait an entire year for, making, correcting, rec-orrecting lists of things I would mail to Santokh uncle to bring when he came for his annual visit to Delhi.; were suddenly available in show rooms all over Delhi.

Then came the corporates & their malls, bringing there brand image, brand identity & marketing strategies to take over the Indian consumer. I wonder if Manoj and his tea stall ever figured in the basket of opportunities they brought with them. The taste of his biscuits soon became a thing of the past as Cheerios and Chocolate chip cookies became the treats me and my friends craved for. In retrospect it seems as if these ‘benevolent corporates who came with a bag of goodies, to entice a specific clientele of fools who gave up on things they hitherto cherished to clamber on to a pedestral, a status they now craved. The mirage, the glitz they brought with them has worn away, on me at least.If only Manoj knew what wonders neon-billboards, attractive shop fronts , optimizing display area meant, my be he would have saved his business. May be, may be not…For I am talking of a man who was quiet, who was humble, who never had to fight for a business which ran on goodwill more than money, while shopping malls today can be best described as, “In order to get noticed , size must be oversized, garish in order, in color, and thrust far out, high into the sky, so as to out do the other leads to excess that shocks the eye, maximizes visibility’. I wonder if Shopper’s stop would ever lend me 10 rupees, if Big Bazaar would ever take a packet of chips back because a week later I realized that I had brought the wong flavour. I wonder if….

I often go to shopping malls, which promise to be Singapore in Gurgaon or Dubai in Noida, and in them I secretly look for a ‘Manoj Ki Dukaan’. For a shop keeper who knew who I was; how much sugar I liked in my tea; which TV shows I like to follow. But I often end up in a glitzy Barista or a CCD paying 50 rupees for a chai which is hot, missing warmth of a shop, and an age now bygone…

When FEAR=RESPECT

Numerous internet and telecom providers laughed themselves silly to the bank last week, because of the frenzy to cast votes for the Taj Mahal for the ‘New Seven Wonders’. We all saw the spirit of Indian pride and patriotism at work typing sms after sms, on their cell-phones. It’s sad, we didn’t realize that the problem in running a ‘rat race’ is, that even if win, you are still a RAT!

When ever I used to ask my grand father, who his heroes were, he would go on and on, about Gandhi, Bose and Bhagat Singh. These were all figures in the political landscape who gave a new dimension and direction to the freedom struggle. Compare this to the puppet Prime Minister we have now, dancing to the whims of a ‘Gori Mame’ whose qualifications begin and end with her surname. But on second thought,in a choice between an impotent Manmohan Singh and a fanatic Hindu (L.K. Advani), the former wins hands down. While the future of a billion nation lies in the bargain, all we can do is to wait for Rahul Gandhi to grow up, make and learn from his share of mistakes, till he is ready and willing to take over the mantle from the interim/ surrogate leaders.

When I think of great leadership, apart from Gandhi, I am reminded of names like Martin Luther King, Mandela, Churchill, even Hitler to an extent, because irrespective of their motives, they had the ability to capture the imagination of millions and followed their vision through. Let alone declaring war, can we even imagine out meek Sardar being rude to his own wife. I can’t begin to imagine how intimidated he feels when he faces the General and the Texan Cowboy (Mush and Bush, respectively!).

The only time in my lifetime, I have seen India as a nation assert itself was when we conducted nuclear tests at Pokhran. We defied International opinion and we didn’t give two hoots of the sanctions and ex-communication that followed. For the first time it seemed that a man of character and resolve, was at the helm of affairs. We need a leader of similar persona to barge our way into the Security Council and the G8. Knocking will get us nowhere…
I feel to sorry to break out to my fellow Indians that the company of the most powerful nations is nothing like getting the Taj-Mahal enlisted in the ‘bogus seven wonders’. Hype and hoopla over ‘India Shining’ will get us nowhere. SMS voting is not applicable. A nation which shies away from being bullish, and tries to be politically correct is scoffed at. Because, in the arena is of world politics:
FEAR=RESPECT

Trials and Tribulations of Buying a Chaddi

(I wish this story may never come true with anyone, neither friend nor foe!)

I curse the Sunday I told my mother I needed a new pair of boxers (chaddis). The next thing I knew, we had parked our car in Kamla Nagar, and was following her into a ‘Lingerie Shop’ ( The sign said “Deals in: Men and Women’s innerwear, Nighties & Pyjamas”).

I find going to such shops an ordeal, because they have posters of women in their inner wear splattered on all sides, and old men sitting on the cashier’s counter, following/stalking your gaze, which unintentionally romances about. If you gaze/stare/letch on a photograph for a moment too long, they give out a triumphant snigger, “Caught you! You little pervert”.

With great effort and determination, I found my eyes something else to do; staring with extra ordinary intensity and interest at my wrist watch, while the sales boy took out boxes from the shelves. I didn’t even pass a glance, when two pretty Miranda house girls entered the shop (how I know that is another story!).

That was until, my mother exclaimed in her loud booming voice, ”Beta, why are you always buying Jockey, look, the cloth of this Baba Sultan is equally good, and its cheaper too”. If that wasn’t humiliation enough, I looked up to find mom having virtually hoisted a chaddi, right in front of my face. As the piercing giggle of the two bitches rang loud in my ears, I contemplated suicide for the first time in my life. I sheepishly pleaded "Mom! just get the Jockey’s so that we can leave".

Embarrassed and harassed, I went on to make the payment, when the Cash counterwale Uncle Ji (he wasn’t done with me yet, he too wanted a part of the action!) asked: “Beta, watch nayee khareedi hai kya? Bade ghoor ghoor ke dekh rahe the! Vaise dekhne me to achhi hai!”. I left that shop, a wise man. Wise enough to know one more place I’ll never take my mother to…

SIMON, COME BACK!!!

I’ve never quite understood why we Indians feel so ashamed of speaking our mother tongues, or dressing up traditional at fancy restaurants, hotels or places like Bengali market and South Ex; how many parents are bent upon teaching their children, sports like golf, dressing up like blonde Barbie dolls and speaking in accented English. Admit it or not we Indians suffer from a critical case of ‘Colonial Hangover’.

Walk down the corridors of any elitist school, be it Vasant Valley, Goenka or Modern, without exception, the language of choice of students is ‘American English’. Its not that I have a problem with the Queen’s language, because I feel that it essays the role of a great unifier, in a ‘world of many worlds’. But, what I dislike is the fact, that Hindi is not a source of pride for us as, French and Japanese are for their countrymen. I’ve never been able to understand how people imbibe the Yankee accent, without having spent a day in the U.S. of A. Star World/ Movies and HBO, it seems have proved to be great ‘accent tutors’.

If the love of language for their language wasn’t enough, it’s excruciating to see people buying Fair and Lovely Cream at the chemists’ shop. Even our skin color isn’t good enough, irrespective of the numerous beauty pageant crowns we have won over the years. Nothing beats a ‘beautiful blonde Gori Mame’!!!

The Brits left 60 years ago, but that still hasn’t stopped us from trying to be like them. No Indian professional, has truly made it, unless he has proved his mettle and gained acceptance from our Beloved Goras. Be it our Bollywood divas, like Aishwarya Rai and Mallika Sherawat, or be it authors like Arunadhiti Roy and Vikram Seth, they need an Oscar and a Booker respectively, to be taken seriously.


Post-Munnabhai 2 it might be cool to practice Gandhigiri, but deep down inside we want nothing to do with a man who went about semi-naked, clothed only in a loin-cloth, trying to gain Independence for us to be accepted and respected as Indians. Next time you feel that we have won our Independence, look down on your Reebok sneakers, Levi jeans and NY Yankee T-shirt and the Mc D burger you are gorging down, and ask yourself, whether you are really free. The time has come to apologize and welcome back the Goras, who our foolish forefathers threw out of the country. SIMON COME BACK!!!

K for Krass

‘How old is Baa?’ is question that baffles me each time I catch glimpses of the quintessential Indian Soap Opera, Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Now, that her son’s, son’s, son’s, son has been blessed with a son. That would put her age in the vicinity of about 150! Yet, for the past “four generations” she has shown little signs of slowing down or even, wearing down. She, in ever sense of the word, has become a monument, in an ever changing landscape of Television.

In an age when, a woman is all set to be the first citizen of India, a woman has come to helm of affairs at Pepsi Co., and a woman of Indian origin has returned from her long sojourn in Space, the hugely popular ‘Balaji serials’ go to show what are the tastes of an ordinary, average Indian woman. It is most unfortunate, that while Kiran Bedi, Arunadhiti Roy and the likes, are campaigning for the cause of Indian women, most of their peers find themselves cosying up on the sofa between 9 and 11, for their daily dose of controversies, conspiracies, trials and tribulations of the ridiculously rich.

I caught up an interview of Eakta Kapoor on Koffee with Karan last month. She was talking about how the characters in serials are such that, her viewers can, empathize with the woman and fantasize about the men. For, woman activists who are constantly complaining about how ads and beauty pageants objectify women, what do they have to say about this?

I hear with bewilderment, when I hear mother tell me how the serials these days are taking time leaps of 20 years after every 2 months. For curiosity sake, I saw an episode of Kausauti Zindagi Kii, to see how the writer envisages the country twenty years hence. I wasn’t surprised! Mr. Bajaj still sported his ‘Salt and Pepper’ hair style, rode the same old car, talked on the same old cell-phone; little had changed, except that now it was their children who took center stage and the shaky, shoddy camera-work had them in their focus, swooning to the latest Bollywood tracks.

I wish some doctor could inform, Ms. Kapoor about the nuances of Plastic Surgery. There is no way a surgery can change the skin tone (Michael Jackson is an exception!!!) or decrease your height by 4 inches. If you want to see what I’m talking about, you better catch up with how Smriti Irani has been replaced by Gautami Kapoor as Tulsi, on Kyunki. I find these serials an insult to my intelligence and to the work of those women who are fighting for the rights of their peers. But, if these serials really represent the popular tastes of Indian women, then please watch on…

An Architect’s First Erection

(If you find the title repulsive and vulgar, don’t read on, because its only going downhill from here!!!)

Stepping though the doors of an architecture college, one hardly imagines the love, the passion that slowly works its way up, inside you, for the projects that you do. Irrespective of the criticisms, the humiliation, the sleepless nights and blood-sucking group members, the pride you feel inside when the final plots have been taken, and you are putting the finishing touches in your model, bear no parallel. An average mother gives birth once or twice in her life time, we architecture students (impregnated with great ideas, of course), are in virtually in labor, on every Monday, every week of the semester. Such, is the love for what we do.

The Annual festival, is the one event that brings together the students irrespective, of our batches, mutual differences and submission schedules. For a college which is relatively unknown, it is the one opportunity we get to scream out loud: “WE EXIST”. For the one month, that leads up to the festival, students ‘camp indoors’ in their studios working on tasks as diverse as, Lighting, Structure, Art exhibition, Architecture exhibition, etc… Of the lot, arguably structure design is the most prestigious of the lot. Students get to design a structure which forms the center stage during the three day fiesta, which for most is really their ‘first erection’.

Structure Design is perhaps one of the most taxing jobs a student could take up, as it involves great responsibility, bunking classes and meeting tight budgets. But I knew Rakesh wouldn’t let us down, because he is the sort of guy who never lets anyone down. A model student, who grew up first assembling Lego models, then graduated to Aeroplane models, and finally found his love in making models of buildings. A shy and reticent fellow, I was glad he rose up to the occasion, and set out to prove himself by making an actual 30 foot high structure.

For days, the fellow toiled, skipping classes (a first for him!), working through nights, making straw, wood, steel models, till he was ready to make the real thing. When I saw the final steel model which would be duplicated in a scale 20 times over, all I could muster up was a chuckle. It bore uncanny resemblance to, which in gentleman’s language is called a phallus. That would be the symbol of our college pride this year!

I being a supportive friend, congratulated on his achievement, and went of to oversee what everyone else was upto (if you are thinking what I was doing in the preparations, and why I am up to no good, its probably because I was MR. PRESIDENT). The final structure that came up, was better than I could have ever imagined. I had seen Rakesh’s impressive portfolio, but this time had truly out done himself. Every one who came to festival appreciated the unique design and the intricate detailing. I, keeping my perverted thoughts to myself, joined the ranks, admiring it (bewildered why people couldn’t get the joke!!!!).

Two months after we were done with the festival, after Rakesh had completed photographing his baby from every angle possible, under every lighting condition possible, came a heart breaking blow. The college authorities had decided that the new building coming up on campus would be on the site where the structure was located, and it would have to be dismantled. Rakesh was distraught, as he ran pillar to post, trying to come up with any way it could be saved. He posted advertisements on the internet, even tried to squeeze one into the A+D magazine, but to no avail. The structure was going to be felled on 2nd February around 6:00 P.M. (I had forgotten these details and had to refer to Rakesh’s somewhat personal diary which he keeps in the second drawer of his desk).

All of us, his friends gathered on the fateful day, most with beer bottles in hand, I with my Appy Fizz and sat down on the hill side (its barely a mound actually, but hill sounds more romantic) just outside of the campus observing the arrival of the ‘executioner’s truck’. Tears welled up in Rakesh’s eyes, as the first hack-saw’s blade made its way through the metal section. I too felt sad, knowing well that I too will miss this ‘structure’, the glimmer of stainless steel, the tension in the taut cables, with its head (sorry, the apex!) tilted at an awkward angle, as I walk into campus each day, with a mischievous grin buried deep inside…

My Reservations about Reservation...

(I know this blog isn't funny. Not to me or you, it isn't. Just remember it won't be us who will have the last laugh either)
The Supreme Court couldn’t have been have been more correct, when it went on record to state that India is the only country in the world, where communities are striving to assert their backwardness. Be it the O.B.C. reservations, or the Gujjar fiasco in Rajasthan or even the Woman’s Reservation Bill in Parliament, they all want a slice of the pie. What our politicians don’t realize is that reservations have long ceased to be a tool for social change and have been reduced to a political gimmick to appease votebanks.

I have a Schedule Caste friend whose father is an IAS officer, his grand father was an IPS officer, and he has secured admission into IIT Delhi on quota. When I confronted him with the fact that as his family had prospered in the past three generations, wasn’t it time for him to jump the quota divide and let other less fortunate members of his community get an opportunity. His answer: “You upper caste guys have enjoyed advantageous positions for the past thousands of years and you expect us to be happy with just 60.” This is what our short sighted politicians don’t realize. Reservations are like a lolly-pop once given to a baby, can never be taken back. Imagine India 100 years later, the families of my friends and likes would fill almost all positions of Bureaucratic, Diplomatic and Political Power in this country, and would enjoy such a clout that I find it hard to believe that this nightmare is ever going to go away.

I fail to understand, that when ever this Reservation Debate arises, it centers on premier institutes like IITs, AIIMS and now St. Stephens. The recent decisions by Principal Thampu like cutting 10%of seats from the General Category and reserving them for Dalit students, lowering cut offs for them by 25% and if that was not enough, the famed interviews that made sure that you had the attitude and aptitude to be a Stephanian, was being scrapped. Why doesn’t he just put up this signboard on the college gate-

“Class 10 Certificate- Obsolete
Class12 Certificate- Unnecessary
Caste Certificate- Mandatory”

Our generation might not have witnessed India’ freedom struggle, the Partition, even the Emergency, but keep your eyes wide open guys, because you are witnessing the reversal of the Indian Social Pyramid. And guess what? Chances are you and I will find ourselves at the bottom of the pile one day, pleading for reservations….

An Evening in T.P.

(Note: This story is relatively fictitious. Any resemblance with any person, dead or alive is purely intentional!!!)

T.P. (short for Trilok Puri) is a part of Delhi which houses a large proportion of the poor that are seemingly invisible in other parts of Delhi. If you live in East Delhi, it is most likely that your maid, watchman, school peon, etc…, hails from the area. It is an area most avoid, but living less than a kilometer away, I find hard to turn my head away. The fascinating colors, the unbearable aromas, the never-ending struggle for existence there, even the crooks and ruffians that inhabit every lane, get a little too much for my curiosity, so much so that I’ve even gone to write an entire dissertation on the place…

I have many friends, coming in all different shapes, colors and sizes. They usually contact me when they are lagging behind in home work or have tests coming up. I’m hardly the guy you call up, if you are behind bars with a FIR about to be lodged against you. But that’s what Ankit did…

Living just two blocks away from me, we go back as long as I can remember. After a childhood full of pranks, trouble and more pranks, we parted ways as I went got myself a seat on a drafting table in an architecture college, while he got one in a call center. It has been ages since we had talked, and seeing his number on the phone at nine in the evening, I was sure something big, for better or worse, had come up.

I had known this bindaas, tapori friend of mine would land up in jail one day. But, when the thulla on the phone told me that he was being booked for a case of eve-teasing and sexual harassment, I was shocked. I knew, the little pervert kept an eye on kaamwali bayees and dhobins, but this was too much, even for him.

In absence of any significant experience and a relatively clean reputation with the cops, I picked up another friend Raj on the way, for back up. With a powerful political background and a reputation of wriggling out of difficult situations (there is much more to this guy, but that’s a whole different story), he was the man for the job. Entering the chowki, with uneasiness, the careless swagger in Raj’s walk looked as if he was pretty much at home.

Abandoning me in the main hall, Raj went inside to meet the thaanedar while, I meekly asked for the directions to the lock-up. There he was, Ankit crouched in one cornered; the pool near his feet didn’t look like blood. Without beating around any bushes, I asked him what happened. In his own words, “I was standing on the bus stop waiting for the 364 when a girl right next to me on the bench started screaming for help. The next thing I know I was surrounded and attacked by a mob armed with chappals and lathis, of which two grabbed me by the collar and dragged me here”. I knew better than to believe him and gave him little reassurance.

Meanwhile, Raj enters the hall, all merry and brotherly with the thanedaar and two other men. Raj takes me to a corner and tells me that the issue is all settled and only a 1000 rupees is due. I didn’t get what he meant. So to the amusement to all present (except Ankit of course!) he lucidly explained to me how all this was one big scam and how the girl, the two men were all in it. You should have seen poor Ankit’s eyes. The little prankster had, had it good. My skepticism quickly transformed into guilt and sympathy, as I gave him my most benevolent gaze.

With little recourse, I settled the money, while Raj helped the Ankit to his feet. While, Raj and Ankit got into the car, I looked around at the empty street, lonely street lights, parked rickshaws and took a moment to soak in the madness we had experienced in an evening in Trilok Puri…

Skoda car, Reebok shoes and an argument for Rupees Two

If you live on the East of the Yamuna in Delhi you would probably be aware of a narrow road that leads to a Pantoon bridge which is usually set up in the summers to ease the traffic on Noida Morh (If you didn’t understand a word of that, need not worry, it has little to do with essence of the essence of this article!). This road meanders through wheat and paddy fields and provides an excellent setting for morning walkers and joggers. It is not uncommon to see over-weight uncles and aunties huffing and puffing away, blowing their noses and contorting their bodies into uncomfortable postures on the sidewalks, all thanks to the all knowing Ramdev Baba.

Fitness is the ‘in thing’ these days. Atkins diets, Power walking, Water Aerobics and Speed Cycling are the way to go. While the Cute College chicks go to the neighborhood gyms and the young handsome hunks follow them there, most of our more older and ‘healthier’ counterparts usually end up in parks like Nehru Park, Lodhi gardens, Buddha Jayanti Park and this particular road that I am talking about. These people are usually those who have long given up on the dreams of six-packs and surfboard stomachs and would probably settle for a lower cholesterol or a lower blood pressure. Its most likely, that they are there just for the ‘fitness experience’. To be seen trying, to see other trying…

One lady that I often come across on this road, reaches there around 7:30 in the morning. She alights from a grey Skoda in her startling new Reebok sneakers, her love handles popping out on either side of her excruciatingly tight top (It’s a Adidas, no less). I can’t begin to imagine how she gets her tabla sized buttocks and her tree trunk sized hips in those poor track pants. She takes a round or two of her car ( Kudos to her for managing that much!!!) and then gets back inside to take a break in the air conditioning.

About five minutes later , with a titanic effort, she gets back out, and heads straight to the vegetable vendors who pluck out fresh produce from the fields. There she spends about five minutes picking out vegetables and another fifteen bargaining, arguing, shouting even cursing for the extra 2 rupees the poor guy tries to charge her. Once, she has done the shopping settling for her desired price, like a victorious Don Quixote she hands the plastic bags to her driver and gets into the car, all tired and fatigued after such a tiring 30 minute work out….

Rising Hemlines, Plunging Necklines in the Indian scenario

Be it on the Oscar red carpet or the corridors of Connaught Place, our obsession with fitness and toned bodies has redefined what clothes means to us. They are no longer reflection of which social-cultural-economic strata one belongs to and dressing up for special occasions. Now, clothes are more about exposing your best assets and covering up your liabilities while the stress is on dressing down.

A sensible man once said, “Less is more difficult”. Flaunting a noodle strap, low-waist pants and a pair of stilettos is not as easy as buying the rip-offs in Sarojini Nagar. If only our Desi Kuddis could be a little more careful about the delicate balance fashion today involves. There is a lot of work that goes into creating the images that go into a Cosmopolitan, a Marie Claire, even our Desi Femina for that matter. The picture in the magazine represents an instant when everything is just right, which has to be made ‘righter’ using countless softwares. Behind that image is a hungry anorexic model who is at the mercy of her hair stylists, make-up artists, designer and even plastic surgeons.

Sadly many desi college wanabees represent talking-walking wardrobe malfunctions. A few fashion faux-pas that can be commonly sighted on any campus are:-
- Nobody is too keen on looking at your butt cleavage, so limit the descent of low-waist denims
-Underarm growth and sleeveless blouses don’t go well together.
- Stretch marks look best covered up.
-Brassiere straps visible under Spaghetti top straps looks as bad as it sounds.
- If you are still bent on wearing the low-waist, at least reassure us that your underwear strap that invariably becomes visible does not sport a RUPA or BABA SULTAN brand (Believe me, the latter brand exists!!!)
- Wax it before you flaunt it. Hairy backs are not too attractive (for either gender).
(Please feel free to make additions…)

As an architecture student I find it amusing how the Minimalism movement started over a century ago is redefining Indian fashion. As a guy, it is difficult for me to complain about the changing scheme of things (no pun intended!). If only the finish was a little better…